7. alternative beliefs

We’ve been through all the usual preliminaries of love

Shared meals, shared a joke, met each others’ relations

Found out we’re compatible in bed, near enough

(With maybe just one or two small reservations.)

So it’s likely there might be a future for us.

And the books say that love means both giving and taking

So I’ll smile all the while and I wont make a fuss

About the great sacrifice that I’ll be making


As I go along, though gritting my teeth,

With all your outlandish alternative beliefs

And so dearest darling to show I adore you

I’ll throw out my pinstripes and dress all new agey

I’ll buy you those crystals to help cleanse your aura,

I’ll learn pagan rituals (if they’re not too stagey).

I’ll meditate with you, I’ll practise Tai ch’i,

If you’ll give your heart - and your body - to me


And I won’t guffaw at your daft superstitions

When you tell me your visions, I won’t even smirk

Nor hoot with derision at your premonitions

Or mock your convictions that Tarot cards work

I wont go berserk and I won’t hit the ceiling

When you tell me of the benefits of angelic healing


We’ll climb up the hillside of Glastonbury Tor

Whose mystico-esoterico-philosophical connections

Will bring us enlightenment, darling, I’m sure

As we trace all its ley lines in every direction

To Tibet, ancient Egypt, to Roma and Napoli -

Where Elvis and Jesus are both living happily.


And I’ll come along to your moots & your meetings

I’ll join in your greetings, no matter how gooey

And though rationality’s taking a beating

I’ll shift all my furniture to suit your Feng Shui

I won’t get downhearted, I wont get depressed

When you tell me your life is a Spiritual Quest

But my personal Grail and my meaning of life

Is just that I’m meaning to make you my wife.